new plan

okay... so my last post was kinda melodramatic, but i still feel pretty down and crap. I am determined to come back for grad, but know that i must come back here after. So to achieve this I have formulated a new and brilliant plan (Mwa ha ha).
I currently have £400 pounds (2/3 of a return ticket jhb - london), and was going to have to spend half of that on incredibly crappy accomm in oxford, because it was all I could afford, which would mean i would never get the money together in time.
Instead I have returned to London, staying at my sister's - virtually free of charge - and if I get three weeks solid work I can more than get the money. It'll mean spending a little more on a ticket because it's short notice, but I'm prepared to do that to come back. I've spent the last month trying to get over this grad thing and telling myself that I'm being silly, but still not okay with missing it, so it clearly means lots to me.
Seth put it very well last night: he asked if I thought there was anything in london that I could spend £600 on that would make me happier than spending it going to grad, and I said no. So... on some kind of utilitarian economisty thing (I dont understand this stuff)... I should go to grad.
What do you think? How are you all out there?