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Saturday, June 17, 2006


Tonight the world is beautiful again.

I got some much needed good news tonight. Jono got into Edinburgh University. I am so relieved I feel like I havent drawn a deep breath in months, and suddenly I'm filled with air, and its good and fresh.

It's almost a month since he got bat from Oxford. I cant explain how gutted I was. I felt beaten - by the world. I know how melodramatic that sounds, but it totally threw me, and my response was to give up hope completely. My reasoning was that it hurt too much to be disappointed like that again, so I convinced myself that Oxford was our last chance and it was blown, and i should just adjust to the idea that he was not going to come over.

I know its silly, and I've just blown all my feminist credentials out of the water, but this means so much to me I cant pretend that this doesnt change my plans and give me fresh hope. My problem with the UK, despite all my bitching, has never really been the UK. It's just easier to get pissed off with bureaucracy or Britons or the weather, than to admit that you need something, you want something and simultaneously know that it's out of your control whether you get it or not.

There's a line from a schmaltsy (sp?) feel-good flick that sums up my problem (and I'm paraphrasing liberally here): we need a witness for our lives, someone to care about our successes and failures, no matter how small. And I had no one to share anything with - which soured so much of this experience for me. This is supposed to be the most exciting and vital time of my life and I felt that someone had hit the pause button on my life.

I'm not sure how much sense I'm making right now, and I know I'm talking around the point but I'm finding it very hard to articulate all I'm feeling right now - which may have something to do with the four cocktails I had earlier - so I'm going sign off now. Just wanted to share a small victory with any interested witnesses out there.


Danielle said...

THAT'S FANTASTIC HON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told you good things happen in 3's... so, does that mean you'll be leaving these muddy shores for even muddier ones, or are you going to stay in the UK?

Kate said...

I think I'll head up to Edinburgh. I'm going to freeze to death, but I'll find ways of keeping warm!

The Tart said...

Everythings looking up. Bummer about your potted friend. ; (

The Tart
; )